Today I’m writing from my husband’s iPad, so bear with me. I want to discuss a topic that not many like to talk about, at least on the beginners end of it. In fact, I don’t like talking about it because it makes me angry. Mostly at myself.
Ok, only at myself.
Stress is a big deal, and when you don’t have tricks up your sleeve to keep it from devouring your life, things happen. And one of those things was weight gain. Oh, I’m an emotional eater, and guess what? I’m very emotional, even on my good days. So it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to me to find that within just a few months, all that wonderful progress of trimming off the baby weight went down the drain. I gained it all back, and then some.
Sadly, I didn’t notice it until well after the damage was done. And then what did I do? I got depressed and ate some cookie dough.
We’re being serious here, people.
Last week I finally decided that no amount of mourning would change the number on the scale, unless it’d go up, and I had to go back to the healthy changes we were making.
It’s hard, when you’re an emotional eater. Food had become such a comfort to me because it was the only way I felt like I had control over my stress. But that had to change. I had to view food differently.
Then I remembered the book one of my friends gave me: Made To Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. I found it the other day and have not been able to put it down. Lysa gives some very plain and true reasons why we find dieting difficult, and the biggest one is that we don’t rely on God for our strength, comfort, and identity. I encourage you to read the book, and maybe when I’m done I’ll give a little book review on it.
But here we are again, weight to be lost and health to be restored. (Speaking of health, I had my labs done and there was only a little elevation in the triglycerides.) I decided that it was time to get serious again, time to dig out the low carb meals and snacks, time to resist the Mac n Cheese Michael eats, and time to get myself outside more and walk. And time to hit the gym, if baby boy will let me.
All these ideas sounds great, and it’s easy to feel the roar of, “we can do it! Yes we can!” but then fall short the first time I feel down and want to go dip my head in sweets. And the book really helps in readjusting our main focus from the coveted weight to God. I can’t rely on sweets to give me comfort, but I can rely on God. Losing weight should be a bonus.
So, to wrap this up, I had plans this week to really work hard and give a great start to this journey — again. I had a gym morning planned, I had decided on which mornings to take my walks, I had low carb meals lined up for the week, and I had no cookies or ice cream to get in my way. But then I got sick. Morning walks were gone except a very small one this morning, the gym date was cancelled, and tonight ended up being a quick meal to give me some kind of substance to live off of. Namely, Mac n Cheese mixed with well seasoned ground beef, thanks to my hubby.
The only good news in this so far is that I’m still losing weight, but it’s mostly because I’m too sick to eat much, so essentially I’m starving myself. But the key is, when I am done with being sick, to not gain all that back within one glorious day if eating again, but to continue to train my body back into only eating when I’m hungry, and then eat healthy.