Fellow Homeschooling & Stay-at-Home Mommas: A Question

I was meaning to post about our crazy lives here, or give a Ross update. But, I’ve been facing some very real feelings lately which I desperately want to know if other mommas feel the same. At least occasionally. So this post is for you, Fellow Mommas.

Disclaimer: I do not pretend to be as academically involved as many of my homeschool momma friends are. My oldest is five, so our “school” takes up very little of the day (if we can focus enough to get the work done). I’m very flexible with him, but because we joined a charter school here I need to shoot for some form of “schooling” for an estimated 10-15 minutes a day. Doable, right? My busyness is from the 2 yr old I try to keep alive, and the baby boy who kicks and pushes my insides causing daily contractions and chronic pain. My busyness is daily and routine; full of diapers and dirt and boogers and 2 yr old meltdowns, 5-going-on-15 yr old attitudes and “I don’t like this food” and dirt and boogers, messes and laundry and “we just cleaned your bathroom how is it so stinky already?? Oh yeah, you’re a boy” and dirt and boogers. Okay, I think you get the picture. Throw in appointments upon appointments to manage the pain, and every day I feel like I can’t keep up.

Enter “the feelings”:

Wouldn’t it be easier to put him in preschool? (Oh yeah, it costs money. Cancel that.)

What about next year? Should I continue to homeschool or put him in kindergarten?

Is there a cheap daycare for my 2 yr old just so I can get a break?

Is there a summer school we can afford?

Is there a lonely family member or friend I can snag and ask to live with us?

Am I crazy for thinking I can do all these things and still survive?

And the big one: What about my dreams, passions, and goals?

I have been a writer in heart since my early teens. The day my friend wrote a story for her school and I decided to give it a shot, I realized that writing accessed a part of my soul I had never explored. It fulfilled me, to put it mildly. Writing became a hobby, and when I finished High School it became my focus. But then this guy asked me nine years ago if I wanted to pursue a relationship with him, and I said yes. And then he asked me to marry him, and I said yes. And then I asked and asked and asked if we could start a family, and he finally said yes.

If I had known that having babies would put my writing on such a hold. If I had known that I would not just be a new mom but also a new mom with severe postpartum depression after my first. If I had known my second would turn my physical body against me and give me chronic pain. If I had known God wanted us to have a third…

If I had known.

Never good words to dwell on, right? The If-I-Had-Knowns are dangerous to entertain. But when life gets stressful and busy and so incredibly routine that you want to tear your hair out (or go to that salon and say impulsively, “Let’s cut it all off!”), it is so easy to allow those thoughts into your head. To think about the What-Ifs.

So, my big question to my fellow homeschooling mommas, my stay at home mommas — how do you do it? What drives you to continue to put your dreams on hold? Or better yet, how do you find the time to pursue these dreams without constantly disappointing your heart by saying, “Not now, but maybe some day…”?

I am finding my way. My husband brainstormed with me on how to access my stories and writing on my iPad so that I can keep my writing as fresh in my mind as I can. I’m choosing my priorities and allowing my schedule to be flexible when it can. I wish I could say I’m writing daily and this year I may have a first draft. Oh, how I would love to say that! But I’m still working towards this goal. I am still trying to attain my dream with 2.75 kids in tow.

But battling those feelings is the hard part, isn’t it?

Tell me your thoughts! What are YOUR dreams and goals? Are you actively pursuing them with kids calling for your every attention? Are you in a season right now that it’s just not possible, but the desire is still there? What makes you you, and not only “mom”?

And finally, I do not leave out my working momma friends on purpose. I am curious to know how you got to this point in your life, because I honestly think you gals are amazing. The reason I direct this to the non-working mommas is simply because that’s the season I am currently in. Love to you all!

8 thoughts on “Fellow Homeschooling & Stay-at-Home Mommas: A Question

  1. I struggle constantly with establishing myself amongst the busyness that is Irish twins. I like schedule. We go somewhere every day around 9/10am, naps (often in the car), walks, made my downstairs into a daycare, and bedtime is strict so I get 2-3 hours at night to clean and do my own thing. I read and do bible study throughout the day when they are playing independently. It’s working so well. But when I was pregnant I was depressed. I was in chronic pain and exhausted. It got so much better after Chloe was born.

    • That’s awesome that you found your groove! But it is still a struggle, isn’t it? Some days I feel like I got it completely together, and then there are those days when everyone is out of whack.
      Do you have something you are aspiring towards, or dream about? Kids interrupted my college as well, but I don’t say that reproachfully at all.

  2. I understand how you feel. I was thinking about going back to school for massage therapy and then found out I was pregnant with Kiah so I decided to wait. Well now he is in school and I was all signed up to go to school for chiropractic technician since WI now requires me to have that certificate before I can do therapies at chiropractic offices again. Apparently my chiropractic assistant certificate is not enough anymore. But my van decided to have the transmission go out and I paid over $2000 to fix it in 4 months. Plus I found out my program for classes aren’t eligible for financial aid and money was due Jan. 5th. It can be depressing trying to figure out your dreams esp when you thought you had it figured out and then it gets shut down or pushed back. I’m at a point where yes I’m working but I don’t want to be at this job forever and id like to be doing something I love. I am trying to give it to God because He knows best for me and sees my future but it can be hard some days. I am trying to just find out who I am in God and let the rest fall into place. It’s a struggle though. I thought I’d be somewhere different than where I am at this point in my life. Just pray and ask God for direction and help with patience while waiting. He has the best in mind for us. So I keep plugging along telling myself that God must have something even better than what I was trying do. Take advantage of quiet time/nap times. Being a stay at home mom was hard some days when you just want a break and be able to do something you want to do instead of taking care of everyone else. Remember though that you do need me time as well and breaks to help you refresh yourself so that you won’t deplete your giving bank. Do the boys sleep in or go to bed early that you have some time then? Breathe and remember that they won’t stay this small. They will grow really fast and before you know it, you will miss them being small.

    • I totally get it. Plans get set up and then it feels like it comes crashing down. God does know best, and He does care for us. He never wants us to settle for what we think we need, but to pursue what He desires for us. Figuring out what that is, however, seems to be the tricky part. I didn’t expect to be in this current season — in CA, a third boy on the way, military lifestyle — but you bet I wouldn’t trade my men in for the world.

      And no, they do not sleep in. This very day they woke up extra early, and I’m not a happy morning person at all. Their bedtime is pretty solid, though, and not late. I make sure I have time to breathe before crashing into bed myself!

  3. Hello! Trust me when we say you are not the first mom to have such feelings nor will we be the last. It helps to know we’re not alone, doesn’t it?

    In regard to the conversation, may I share a few thoughts? First, I would remind each of us – myself included – that it helps to readjust how we view our situation and choose to look at it. I didn’t give up a dream or vocation to have a child. I put one dream on hold to pursue another; having babies. These children ARE an answer to prayer and something I asked for. I am living my dream. My other dream is still an option and I can come back to that at a later point; with no expiration date! Second, perhaps your first dream will feed your second? Imagine all the moms who might be blessed by hearing how the Lord is using these formative years and what you’ve learned through them. This is fodder for your future endeavors! Lastly, while we all understand feelings and this is by no means easy, we need to put our “feelings” aside and focus on the moment. By allowing my feelings to overwhelm me and dictate my heart, I only hurt myself. Instead, I want to choose to breathe, pray, and remind myself that those dreams are still there and available at any time.

    I will also add, having younger children does making pursuing dream a tad more challenging, but you can do it! (Plus, it’s a good lesson for children to see us pursuing dream and goals even as adults. We want them to understand learning is a life-long process and not something that stops once we’re done with “school”. With the added bonus of them understanding life is not all about them and they need to allow us Mom time, too.)

    It’s been great reading everyone’s thoughts on this topic! Thanks for sharing.

    • Thank you for your comment, and for taking the time to read my post! I appreciate your thoughts on this — it is always helpful to hear from others what their life as a mommy is like.

      Each Stay-at-Home or Homeschooling Mom is different, and I love hearing what makes them tick, what their goals and dreams are, and how they feel. God made us all to be different and to teach our kids different aspects of this life. It is a major responsibility, but with His help we can do it!

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